Jokes as lateral puzzles

Done by Aloril and jokes are stolen from various places.


Some ideas about what things might be:
Humor is illogical thing that is logical from surpising perspective.
Lateral puzzle is illogical thing that is logical afterwards.
Humor is both at the same time, while lateral puzzle usually loses first property after it's solved. For more about lateral puzzles see here and here.

Got idea: what if I took some joke and turned it into lateral puzzle? Here are experiments with that idea.

These jokes are from " Joke of the Day, joker@ mailing list." (To subscribe send mail here (joke mails include advertisements))

Note few rules if you are solving these in #lounge or #riddles


However asking questions is ok and recommended behaviour: That is co-operative puzzle solving. Questions can receive one of only three possible answers - yes, no or irrelevant. For more info, see here.

Puzzles that where originally jokes

  1. American Aircraft Carrier

    "This is the USS Dwight Eisenhower, an American Aircraft Carrier, and we *demand* that you make way!"

    Another identifies themself and then say "Your call."



  2. Bad day for Mike

    There's this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying."

    "No, it's not that. Today day is the worst of my life. First, I overslept and late to an important meeting. My boss, outraged, fired me. When I left the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police, they said they could do nothing. I got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my whole wallet in the cab. I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener."

    Puzzle: In punchline he explains why he is unhappy right now and that surely will make truck driver very unhappy also...


  3. Revenge of the Blondes

    A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun.

    He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa."

    Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

    The chauvinistic lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer:

    "Okay, how about this "If you don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50."

    This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game.

    The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

    The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

    Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

    The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to no avail.

    After over an hour, of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $50.

    The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.

    The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer?"

    Puzzle of course is to figure out answer or punchline ;-)


  4. Ugly Beast

    I dreamt last night that I went to Heaven, and I met St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. I asked him that since I arrived in Heaven if I could take a look around the place. St. Peter agreed, and even came along with me to show me around. We went a ways, until we met President Clinton, tied to one of the most ugliest beast you could ever, ever imagine. It was nearly human, probably about 95 years old, 5 inch thick glasses, grease just dripping off its body, muttering every now and then like a sick crow. We asked Willie why he was chained to this awful creature.

    Willie replied: "Well, when I used to live on Earth, I committed a number of sins, and now I'm chained to this realy ugly old thing as penance."

    We wished President Clinton the best of luck, and moved on. A while later we met with none other than Elvis Presley, the King of Rock, and he was tied to another of the most ugliest creatures you could imagine, even worse than the first one. We asked Mr. Presley why he was chained to such an ugly thing.

    The King replies: "Well, when I used to live on Earth, I committed a number of sins, and now I have to live with this ugly old monster for a while as penance."

    We wished the King the best of luck, and moved on.

    After a while we met up with Billy Gates, president of Microsoft. Billy Gates just so happened to be chained to one of the most gorgeous, luscious, and sexiest woman you could ever imagine, long blonde hair, blue eyes, long limbs, and a beautiful figure. So, we asked him why they were chained to each other like that.

    Why is Bill Gates chained to the wonderful woman?


  5. Rule for students

    On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:

    Dean tells some rule and then says " Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."

    He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"

    At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:

    "How much for a season pass?"

    Riddle: Explain


  6. A Man Rubbed A Lamp

    One day, a man rubbed a lamp.

    A genie popped out of the lamp and said, "You have three wishes. I will grant whatever you wish for, but remember, every politician in the world gets twice as much as you wish for, so be careful what you wish for."

    What wishes man had?


  7. Okay all you camera buffs.....PAY ATTENTION

    When you THINK you have a bad day, remember this one...

    I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically and suggesting I take a closer look.

    What did he see?


  8. Bran Muffins

    This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi.

    As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven." Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges everyday and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, "what are the green fees?". Peter's reply, "This is heaven, you play for free." Next they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisine's of the world laid out.

    "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!" Peter replied with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. Peter lectured, "That's the best can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven."

    With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong.

    Why did he do that?



    There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

    When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level. Stuff that will make them scream, cry, and howl in pain and anger!"

    Where is he working now and what does he write?


  10. Walk On Water

    A rabbi, a priest and a pastor were all in a boat together fishing. The pastor said to the others, "I think I am going to go over to that shore and sit down." So, he gets out of the boat, walks across the water and sits down on the shore. Then, the priest says to the rabbi, "I think I going to go over there to join him." So, he does the same as the pastor and sits next to him on the shore. The rabbi thinks to himself, "Well, if they can do it, so can I!" So, he climbs out of the boat, but he falls in the water.

    The pastor said something to the priest afterwards, what was it?


  11. Signing the Declaration

    A Kentucky teacher, John and his father are at school.

    Why does John's father accuse John on signing of the Declaration of Independence?

    Small hint (beginning of joke)
    Big hint (whole joke except punchline)
    Solution (whole joke)
    Solution (whole joke + explanation)

  12. My Daughter

    An Irish girl went to London to work as a secretary and began sending home money and gifts to her parents. After a few years, they asked her to come home for a visit as her father was getting frail and elderly.

    She pulled up to the family home in a Rolls Royce and stepped out wearing fur and diamonds. As she walked into the house her father said, "Hmmm - they seem to be paying secretaries awfully well in London." The girl took his hands and said, "Dad - I've been meaning to tell you something for years but I didn't want to put it in a letter. I can't hide it from you any longer. I've become a prostitute."

    Her father gasped, put his hand on his heart and keeled over. The doctor was called but the old man had clearly lost the will to live. He was put to bed and the priest was called. As the priest began to administer Extreme Unction, with the mother and daughter weeping and wailing, the old man muttered weakly, "I'm a goner - killed by my own daughter! Killed by the shame of what you've become!"

    "Please forgive me," his daughter sobbed, "I only wanted to have nice things! I wanted to be able to send you money and the only way I could do it was by becoming a prostitute." Brushing the priest aside, the old man sat bolt upright in bed, smiling.

    What did the old man say?


  13. Advanced Engineering

    When we see a Space Shuttle sitting on the launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are the solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at a factory in Utah.

    Why are width of those decided by a horse's arse?

    Small hint

  14. A very successful lawyer

    A lawyer is standing beside of his ruined car and conversing with a Cop. The cop says: "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

    Why did the cop say that and what did the lawyer reply?

    Big hint
    Solution to what the cop said (joke without punchline)
    Hint for punchline
    Solution to what the lawyer said (punchline)